








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 183 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 202 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 50 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3038 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,641 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2351 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2487 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2695 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2108 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,049,167 of utility $221 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 550 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FredEx2ez | 61% | 80 |
| #2 | Avada Balenciaga | 59% | 126 |
| #3 | Good Demoman | 58% | 26 |
| #4 | eepy | 57% | 233 |
| #5 | Gooder Demoman | 55% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Jim Carry | 51% | 215 |
| #9 | gtv | 48% | 50 |
| #10 | [GOON] Old Nates For New | 47% | 121 |
| #11 | Top Dawg | 40% | 40 |
| #12 | Shit Ain't Nothin' to Me, Man | 25% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FredEx | 11 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | Jim Carry | 10 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | gtv | 7 | 0.0065 |
| #4 | eepy | 6 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | Avada Balenciaga | 6 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FredEx | 739 | 0.15 | 19 min |
| #2 | Jim Carry | 532 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #3 | eepy | 316 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #4 | FredEx2ez | 307 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| #5 | Avada Balenciaga | 271 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eepy | +3.98 | 83 | 56 |
| #2 | Gooder Demoman | +2.59 | 81 | 62 |
| #3 | FredEx2ez | +0.82 | 44 | 55 |
| #4 | [GOON] Old Nates For New | +0.55 | 59 | 46 |
| #5 | FredEx | +0.18 | 49 | 50 |





