








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1360 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,045 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1364 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2056 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 776 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 849 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $642,925 of utility $171 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 32 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gtv | 80% | 10 |
| #2 | Daddy | 73% | 15 |
| #3 | eepy | 63% | 43 |
| #4 | Fricken Oatmeal | 61% | 80 |
| #5 | Avada Balenciaga | 60% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Good Demoman | 57% | 28 |
| #8 | Jim Carry | 57% | 79 |
| #9 | Gooder Demoman | 56% | 71 |
| #10 | [GOON] Old Nates For New | 55% | 33 |
| #11 | Top Dawg | 43% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gooder Demoman | 9 | 0.0065 |
| #2 | Fricken Oatmeal | 4 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | Avada Balenciaga | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | [GOON] Old Nates For New | 3 | 0.0043 |
| #5 | eepy | 2 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jim Carry | 170 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #2 | Fricken Oatmeal | 151 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | Avada Balenciaga | 130 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | Gooder Demoman | 115 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | eepy | 70 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eepy | +4.49 | 90 | 57 |
| #2 | Gooder Demoman | +2.34 | 77 | 58 |
| #3 | FredEx2ez | +1.69 | 49 | 53 |
| #4 | gtv | +1.35 | 65 | 61 |
| #5 | [GOON] Old Nates For New | +1.10 | 59 | 40 |





