








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 544 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 88 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 84 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 45 matches | ||
| Faceit | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 23 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 35 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3766 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,360 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3001 | 24% |
| Smokes | 4366 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 2711 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2282 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,332,783 of utility $110 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 845 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Broskiii | 57% | 329 |
| #2 | Hibijibijaba | 56% | 80 |
| #3 | (sic) | 50% | 276 |
| #4 | Hydra | 49% | 156 |
| #5 | BrassMonkey | 48% | 176 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Hibijibijaba | 56% | 80 |
| #3 | (sic) | 50% | 276 |
| #4 | Hydra | 49% | 156 |
| #5 | BrassMonkey | 48% | 176 |
| #6 | Taco Bell | 36% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hydra | 12 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | (sic) | 10 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | Broskiii | 6 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Hibijibijaba | 5 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | BrassMonkey | 3 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | (sic) | 1094 | 0.19 | 30 min |
| #2 | Broskiii | 526 | 0.08 | 13 min |
| #3 | BrassMonkey | 480 | 0.13 | 11 min |
| #4 | Taco Bell | 113 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #5 | Hibijibijaba | 110 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Broskiii | +3.64 | 78 | 52 |
| #2 | Taco Bell | +2.44 | 82 | 65 |
| #3 | Hibijibijaba | +2.05 | 73 | 58 |
| #4 | (sic) | +0.98 | 64 | 72 |
| #5 | BrassMonkey | -0.55 | 58 | 61 |





