








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 926 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 86 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 78 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 76 matches | ||
| Faceit | 75 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 39 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6821 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,414 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3636 | 24% |
| Smokes | 5591 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 3760 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2427 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,465,989 of utility $185 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 349 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | particle | 58% | 38 |
| #2 | Generalzod03 | 57% | 329 |
| #3 | BrassMonkey | 55% | 170 |
| #4 | (sic) | 53% | 283 |
| #5 | Hydra | 52% | 128 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | BrassMonkey | 55% | 170 |
| #4 | (sic) | 53% | 283 |
| #5 | Hydra | 52% | 128 |
| #6 | Hibijibijaba | 50% | 64 |
| #7 | Taco Bell | 40% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Generalzod03 | 20 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | Hydra | 12 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | (sic) | 8 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | BrassMonkey | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | particle | 4 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | (sic) | 1146 | 0.19 | 30 min |
| #2 | BrassMonkey | 479 | 0.13 | 12 min |
| #3 | Generalzod03 | 478 | 0.07 | 11 min |
| #4 | Taco Bell | 112 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #5 | particle | 97 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Broskiii | +3.44 | 77 | 52 |
| #2 | Taco Bell | +2.39 | 82 | 65 |
| #3 | particle | +0.83 | 69 | 50 |
| #4 | Hibijibijaba | +0.63 | 64 | 58 |
| #5 | (sic) | +0.42 | 61 | 71 |





