








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 560 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 828 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7709 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,728 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2372 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2854 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 4072 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 2430 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,777,514 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 44 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | King Glizzy | 47% | 175 |
| #10 | ♥ Hoodlump ♥ FREE PALESTINE | 46% | 118 |
| #11 | wenches | 40% | 126 |
| #12 | Tillimanjaro | 37% | 75 |
| #13 | SuperChicken | 34% | 101 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Waddle19352 | 29 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | leenut butter | 15 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | wenches | 11 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | King Glizzy | 9 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | Xyro Clash.gg | 9 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Waddle19352 | 1010 | 0.11 | 27 min |
| #2 | ♥ Hoodlump ♥ FREE PALESTINE | 692 | 0.28 | 17 min |
| #3 | leenut butter | 599 | 0.18 | 15 min |
| #4 | wenches | 464 | 0.18 | 10 min |
| #5 | Xyro Clash.gg | 359 | 0.10 | 11 min |





