








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1901 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 201 matches | ||
| Wingman | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 70 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3395 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,639 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2721 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2169 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 3128 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1621 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,412,469 of utility $204 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3521 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | rxsk | 60% | 87 |
| #5 | gzey | 57% | 111 |
| #6 | Mit Raffinesse in die Fresse | 52% | 23 |
| #7 | Femboy_mev_ka | 50% | 22 |
| #8 | Jan S> Alyx Genuine Pins | 41% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gzey | 10 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | rxsk | 7 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | Femboy_mev_ka | 4 | 0.0100 |
| #4 | MythicalWombat | 3 | 0.0087 |
| #5 | Mit Raffinesse in die Fresse | 2 | 0.0079 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gzey | 115 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #2 | rxsk | 75 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #3 | MythicalWombat | 60 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #4 | Jan S> Alyx Genuine Pins | 58 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | Mit Raffinesse in die Fresse | 51 | 0.20 | 1 min |





