








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 205 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 83 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 61 matches | ||
| Premier | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




132 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2856 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,789 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2343 | 35% |
| Smokes | 2800 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 1103 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 543 | 8% |
Our logs show you have wasted $610,044 of utility $92 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 205 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ax3 | 64% | 77 |
| #2 | Twix | 56% | 18 |
| #3 | Impalla | 54% | 46 |
| #4 | Stressmelo | 51% | 156 |
| #5 | Electric Vehicle | 47% | 163 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Stressmelo | 51% | 156 |
| #5 | Electric Vehicle | 47% | 163 |
| #6 | flop | 41% | 119 |
| #7 | Fawn | 41% | 56 |
| #8 | she left :D | 35% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | she left :D | 34 | 0.0296 |
| #2 | Stressmelo | 23 | 0.0078 |
| #3 | flop | 14 | 0.0060 |
| #4 | ax3 | 14 | 0.0094 |
| #5 | Electric Vehicle | 11 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ax3 | 273 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #2 | flop | 222 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #3 | Impalla | 178 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #4 | Stressmelo | 153 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #5 | Fawn | 65 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ax3 | +4.89 | 77 | 65 |
| #2 | flop | +2.25 | 59 | 59 |
| #3 | nutmeg | +1.28 | 61 | 49 |
| #4 | Stressmelo | +0.95 | 77 | 34 |
| #5 | Impalla | +0.64 | 74 | 56 |





