








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 978 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 265 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 122 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




56 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6049 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,262 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4679 | 23% |
| Smokes | 8064 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 3805 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 3714 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,892,109 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 468 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Stressmelo | 45% | 100 |
| #7 | Electric Vehicle | 44% | 39 |
| #8 | nutmeg | 41% | 119 |
| #9 | she left :D | 40% | 55 |
| #10 | Fawn | 38% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nutmeg | 44 | 0.0194 |
| #2 | she left :D | 30 | 0.0291 |
| #3 | Stressmelo | 16 | 0.0082 |
| #4 | bribri | 9 | 0.0048 |
| #5 | Chorbles Jardavius Bobone | 6 | 0.0072 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bribri | 337 | 0.18 | 11 min |
| #2 | nutmeg | 287 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #3 | ORION oops all caps | 120 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #4 | Stressmelo | 112 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | Fawn | 57 | 0.08 | 1 min |





