








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 128 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 172 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 56 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




39 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4462 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,932 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2891 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2983 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 3910 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2148 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,386,877 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 565 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PhD Phil | 65% | 51 |
| #2 | Taabi | 61% | 36 |
| #3 | Faulty | 59% | 27 |
| #4 | Femboy Lover | 57% | 53 |
| #5 | slimmote | 53% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | milk bather | 15 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | ButteredNipples | 13 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | Faulty | 9 | 0.0163 |
| #4 | Zilla | 8 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | PhD Phil | 5 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zilla | 618 | 0.30 | 15 min |
| #2 | PhD Phil | 375 | 0.35 | 9 min |
| #3 | milk bather | 230 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #4 | worm disco | 165 | 0.26 | 4 min |
| #5 | ButteredNipples | 130 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stuNz | +3.25 | 75 | 50 |
| #2 | Zilla | +1.55 | 74 | 73 |
| #3 | milk bather | +1.40 | 68 | 55 |
| #4 | Femboy Lover | +1.37 | 72 | 43 |
| #5 | Perc Wazowski | +0.84 | 61 | 56 |





