








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 227 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
617 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,553 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 381 | 25% |
| Smokes | 562 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 218 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 392 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $285,891 of utility $208 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 60 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hemuli | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | TiggrU⛟ | 80% | 5 |
| #3 | Umberto Valenti | 77% | 13 |
| #4 | Kaapoほお^-^ | 50% | 4 |
| #5 | ⛟☯NappiPastori☯⛟ | 50% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A | 53 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #2 | Umberto Valenti | 37 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #3 | Kaapoほお^-^ | 15 | 0.16 | 0 min |
| #4 | ⛟☯NappiPastori☯⛟ | 13 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| #5 | Hemuli | 9 | 0.09 | 0 min |





