








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1418 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 786 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 64 matches | ||
| Premier | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 28 matches | ||
| Wingman | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




123 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
13209 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 31,907 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8217 | 26% |
| Smokes | 7765 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 8067 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 7858 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,745,789 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 908 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mainmast | 82% | 79 |
| #2 | Ishtar | 77% | 73 |
| #3 | M1KA | 76% | 180 |
| #4 | Jedi Ken | 75% | 213 |
| #5 | Knocks | 74% | 147 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | M1KA | 23 | 0.0064 |
| #2 | Tyson | 20 | 0.0067 |
| #3 | Donnie (The Problem) | 16 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | Gearm0 =P | 15 | 0.0044 |
| #5 | WetOilyButt | 14 | 0.0108 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Donnie (The Problem) | 716 | 0.19 | 23 min |
| #2 | M1KA | 642 | 0.18 | 16 min |
| #3 | Knocks | 551 | 0.19 | 17 min |
| #4 | Ochsner | 497 | 0.20 | 12 min |
| #5 | Jedi Ken | 384 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gearm0 =P | +6.09 | 86 | 35 |
| #2 | Ishtar | +4.37 | 99 | 48 |
| #3 | Lethal | +4.21 | 98 | 31 |
| #4 | Donnie (The Problem) | +3.96 | 79 | 76 |
| #5 | Ajoyfulpig | +3.03 | 75 | 62 |





