








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 19 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 316 matches | ||
| Faceit | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3108 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,754 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4344 | 40% |
| Smokes | 2727 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1966 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1717 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $388,267 of utility $41 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 98 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 606^ | 63% | 30 |
| #2 | Ape | 61% | 28 |
| #3 | pistol pete | 59% | 59 |
| #4 | Fragget | 57% | 42 |
| #5 | Ashley Schaeffer | 57% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | OZZYw00d | 55% | 109 |
| #10 | Boiled Eggs | 54% | 147 |
| #11 | ENGLEBERT HUMPER DINKSON | 52% | 31 |
| #12 | Dickie | 36% | 36 |
| #13 | Moon Man Bing Bong | 35% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boiled Eggs | 16 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | pistol pete | 9 | 0.0070 |
| #3 | ender | 8 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Ashley Schaeffer | 6 | 0.0046 |
| #5 | OZZYw00d | 5 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | matt-E | 655 | 0.36 | 22 min |
| #2 | Boiled Eggs | 494 | 0.16 | 13 min |
| #3 | OZZYw00d | 335 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #4 | Ashley Schaeffer | 219 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #5 | ender | 200 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Moon Man Bing Bong | +3.90 | 88 | 24 |
| #2 | ENGLEBERT HUMPER DINKSON | +2.94 | 75 | 42 |
| #3 | Ashley Schaeffer | +2.67 | 77 | 55 |
| #4 | OZZYw00d | +1.58 | 71 | 54 |
| #5 | matt-E | +1.56 | 60 | 76 |





