








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 265 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 198 matches | ||
| Premier | 188 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 80 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4063 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,969 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5550 | 35% |
| Smokes | 5224 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 3596 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1599 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $663,921 of utility $70 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 394 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dickie | 58% | 36 |
| #2 | GTFO | 57% | 63 |
| #3 | pistol pete | 48% | 80 |
| #4 | OZZYw00d | 47% | 128 |
| #5 | ender | 46% | 95 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Moon Man Bing Bong | 45% | 33 |
| #7 | ENGLEBERT HUMPER DINKSON | 45% | 29 |
| #8 | matt-E | 41% | 44 |
| #9 | JohnFortnite | 40% | 25 |
| #10 | Boiled Eggs | 40% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boiled Eggs | 5 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | ender | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | pistol pete | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | GTFO | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | OZZYw00d | 2 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OZZYw00d | 480 | 0.17 | 11 min |
| #2 | matt-E | 337 | 0.35 | 10 min |
| #3 | Boiled Eggs | 267 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #4 | pistol pete | 161 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | GTFO | 154 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Moon Man Bing Bong | +2.26 | 86 | 28 |
| #2 | ENGLEBERT HUMPER DINKSON | +1.95 | 63 | 41 |
| #3 | Ashley Schaeffer | +1.06 | 70 | 60 |
| #4 | Dickie | +0.83 | 85 | 50 |
| #5 | OZZYw00d | +0.38 | 67 | 57 |





