








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 242 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1063 matches | ||
| Faceit | 186 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
11900 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,658 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5521 | 27% |
| Smokes | 4075 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 8487 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 2575 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,785,966 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 950 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GTFO | 56% | 197 |
| #2 | Fragget | 50% | 246 |
| #3 | ENGLEBERT HUMPER DINKSON | 50% | 155 |
| #4 | Boiled Eggs | 50% | 430 |
| #5 | pistol pete | 49% | 260 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Boiled Eggs | 50% | 430 |
| #5 | pistol pete | 49% | 260 |
| #6 | matt-E | 49% | 284 |
| #7 | Ashley Schaeffer | 46% | 95 |
| #8 | OZZYw00d | 46% | 410 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boiled Eggs | 32 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | OZZYw00d | 21 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | pistol pete | 19 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | GTFO | 16 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | matt-E | 10 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | matt-E | 2535 | 0.41 | 74 min |
| #2 | Boiled Eggs | 1579 | 0.17 | 43 min |
| #3 | OZZYw00d | 1440 | 0.16 | 32 min |
| #4 | GTFO | 549 | 0.13 | 12 min |
| #5 | pistol pete | 456 | 0.08 | 11 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ENGLEBERT HUMPER DINKSON | +2.08 | 73 | 36 |
| #2 | ender | +0.33 | 59 | 42 |
| #3 | OZZYw00d | +0.30 | 66 | 57 |
| #4 | Ashley Schaeffer | +0.30 | 72 | 56 |
| #5 | matt-E | +0.05 | 59 | 74 |





