








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 436 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




58 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3923 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,761 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1662 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1130 | 11% |
| HE Grenades | 5515 | 51% |
| Molotovs | 2454 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $539,552 of utility $50 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Memegineer | 58% | 26 |
| #2 | Candyman | 57% | 70 |
| #3 | D-bo | 55% | 120 |
| #4 | Storm | 51% | 150 |
| #5 | big ounce | 51% | 295 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Storm | 51% | 150 |
| #5 | big ounce | 51% | 295 |
| #6 | OranG | 50% | 52 |
| #7 | murkocet | 49% | 94 |
| #8 | Holly | 41% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | big ounce | 14 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | D-bo | 10 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | Storm | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | murkocet | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | Candyman | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | D-bo | 490 | 0.19 | 15 min |
| #2 | big ounce | 295 | 0.05 | 10 min |
| #3 | murkocet | 198 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | Storm | 165 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #5 | OranG | 121 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | D-bo | +2.14 | 82 | 70 |
| #2 | big ounce | +1.35 | 54 | 61 |
| #3 | illusive | +0.55 | 53 | 46 |
| #4 | Candyman | +0.50 | 64 | 55 |
| #5 | murkocet | -0.41 | 70 | 71 |





