








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 635 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 195 matches | ||
| Faceit | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1545 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,004 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1060 | 26% |
| Smokes | 734 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 771 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1439 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,294,504 of utility $221 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 23 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hazza | 61% | 31 |
| #2 | LastSamurai- | 40% | 77 |
| #3 | aykin | 39% | 23 |
| #4 | pour me another | 38% | 50 |
| #5 | LukasL | 29% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | LastSamurai- | 40% | 77 |
| #3 | aykin | 39% | 23 |
| #4 | pour me another | 38% | 50 |
| #5 | LukasL | 29% | 24 |
| #6 | STAN | 28% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LastSamurai- | 8 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | aykin | 2 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | pour me another | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Hazza | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LastSamurai- | 215 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #2 | STAN | 178 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #3 | pour me another | 139 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #4 | LukasL | 102 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #5 | Hazza | 82 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LastSamurai- | +4.13 | 88 | 61 |
| #2 | pour me another | +2.61 | 68 | 67 |
| #3 | LukasL | +1.03 | 59 | 65 |
| #4 | Hazza | +0.10 | 41 | 58 |
| #5 | aykin | -1.60 | 50 | 45 |





