








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 12 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 184 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




62 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1516 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,794 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 965 | 20% |
| Smokes | 965 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 1254 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1610 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $449,671 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zoowee | 61% | 41 |
| #2 | dr. respect | 52% | 175 |
| #3 | Wholesomebanks | 51% | 111 |
| #4 | sin | 51% | 51 |
| #5 | john chinaman | 44% | 70 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Wholesomebanks | 51% | 111 |
| #4 | sin | 51% | 51 |
| #5 | john chinaman | 44% | 70 |
| #6 | mando | 44% | 43 |
| #7 | icedancer | 27% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dr. respect | 19 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | Wholesomebanks | 18 | 0.0076 |
| #3 | zoowee | 10 | 0.0115 |
| #4 | john chinaman | 7 | 0.0047 |
| #5 | sin | 7 | 0.0063 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dr. respect | 455 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #2 | Wholesomebanks | 256 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #3 | mando | 99 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | john chinaman | 93 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | sin | 91 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zoowee | +2.08 | 44 | 40 |
| #2 | sin | +0.64 | 55 | 30 |
| #3 | john chinaman | +0.48 | 44 | 37 |
| #4 | fortnite | +0.46 | 39 | 40 |
| #5 | dr. respect | +0.35 | 52 | 61 |





