








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 24 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 268 matches | ||
| Faceit | 31 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3372 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,270 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1855 | 22% |
| Smokes | 2236 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1696 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2483 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,020,873 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vacuum | 55% | 85 |
| #2 | Gohan | 51% | 51 |
| #3 | hashslingingslasher | 47% | 79 |
| #4 | Shaquille Oatmeal | 45% | 75 |
| #5 | pablo | 44% | 234 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vacuum | 55% | 85 |
| #2 | Gohan | 51% | 51 |
| #3 | hashslingingslasher | 47% | 79 |
| #4 | Shaquille Oatmeal | 45% | 75 |
| #5 | pablo | 44% | 234 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pablo | 11 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | hashslingingslasher | 9 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | Vacuum | 6 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | Shaquille Oatmeal | 5 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | Gohan | 3 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pablo | 1163 | 0.23 | 34 min |
| #2 | Vacuum | 337 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| #3 | hashslingingslasher | 247 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #4 | Shaquille Oatmeal | 166 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #5 | Gohan | 76 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pablo | +0.32 | 51 | 71 |
| #2 | FireLord | -0.24 | 60 | 49 |
| #3 | Gohan | -0.46 | 69 | 35 |
| #4 | Shaquille Oatmeal | -0.96 | 76 | 52 |
| #5 | hashslingingslasher | -1.00 | 45 | 63 |





