








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 21 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 59 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
593 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,193 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 288 | 24% |
| Smokes | 287 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 180 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 438 | 37% |
Our logs show you have wasted $179,878 of utility $108 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pablo | 54% | 56 |
| #2 | Shaquille Oatmeal | 52% | 23 |
| #3 | hashslingingslasher | 52% | 31 |
| #4 | FireLord | 51% | 51 |
| #5 | Vacuum | 46% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Shaquille Oatmeal | 52% | 23 |
| #3 | hashslingingslasher | 52% | 31 |
| #4 | FireLord | 51% | 51 |
| #5 | Vacuum | 46% | 28 |
| #6 | ekkila | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vacuum | 4 | 0.0067 |
| #2 | Shaquille Oatmeal | 3 | 0.0060 |
| #3 | pablo | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | hashslingingslasher | 2 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | FireLord | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pablo | 383 | 0.32 | 12 min |
| #2 | Vacuum | 125 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #3 | FireLord | 109 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | hashslingingslasher | 93 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #5 | Shaquille Oatmeal | 82 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pablo | +1.76 | 53 | 73 |
| #2 | FireLord | +0.85 | 54 | 44 |
| #3 | Gohan | +0.21 | 69 | 35 |
| #4 | Shaquille Oatmeal | -0.78 | 70 | 43 |
| #5 | hashslingingslasher | -1.09 | 44 | 65 |





