








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 208 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 61 matches | ||
| Premier | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1885 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,092 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1107 | 18% |
| Smokes | 1629 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1954 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1402 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $854,727 of utility $196 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 247 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tu veux dla Vodka ? | 65% | 65 |
| #2 | silent | 60% | 15 |
| #3 | fandewejdene | 56% | 89 |
| #4 | zekq_ | 54% | 101 |
| #5 | The G's Plug | 51% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zekq_ | 19 | 0.0092 |
| #2 | fandewejdene | 16 | 0.0085 |
| #3 | Tu veux dla Vodka ? | 15 | 0.0118 |
| #4 | The G's Plug | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | silent | 2 | 0.0064 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zekq_ | 167 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #2 | The G's Plug | 163 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #3 | fandewejdene | 116 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | Tu veux dla Vodka ? | 105 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | Capitaine Cool | 97 | 0.26 | 3 min |





