








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1162 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 306 matches | ||
| Faceit | 185 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 66 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




51 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6525 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,090 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4491 | 24% |
| Smokes | 5819 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3353 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 5427 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,246,330 of utility $209 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1123 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bluu | 16 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | •pürp1εhazε• | 11 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Carmi | 10 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Tjmizzy | 5 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | soonamii ☠ | 4 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | •pürp1εhazε• | 895 | 0.16 | 20 min |
| #2 | bluu | 664 | 0.07 | 19 min |
| #3 | Carmi | 469 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #4 | soonamii ☠ | 229 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #5 | fugg ✟ plz love jesus | 186 | 0.13 | 5 min |





