








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1500 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 308 matches | ||
| Faceit | 216 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 65 matches | ||
| Wingman | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 55 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




47 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7040 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 35,026 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9940 | 28% |
| Smokes | 7650 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 9235 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 8201 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,056,910 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3547 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | jelly | 52% | 176 |
| #6 | muscle mommy | 51% | 78 |
| #7 | kylito | 51% | 235 |
| #8 | lai | 49% | 68 |
| #9 | sweet | 46% | 63 |





