








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
980 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,127 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 652 | 31% |
| Smokes | 381 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 877 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 217 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $342,250 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chloroform Chamber | 75% | 12 |
| #2 | Jordan Belfort | 59% | 22 |
| #3 | Midward | 53% | 15 |
| #4 | Shade | 47% | 112 |
| #5 | Vektorised | 46% | 105 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Shade | 47% | 112 |
| #5 | Vektorised | 46% | 105 |
| #6 | large coke with no isis | 44% | 16 |
| #7 | ☮ | 41% | 39 |
| #8 | Mr.America | 38% | 87 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shade | 16 | 0.0071 |
| #2 | Vektorised | 5 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | Mr.America | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Jordan Belfort | 3 | 0.0069 |
| #5 | ☮ | 2 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shade | 309 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #2 | Vektorised | 166 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #3 | Mr.America | 101 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | large coke with no isis | 47 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #5 | Jordan Belfort | 37 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shade | +3.13 | 76 | 73 |
| #2 | Vektorised | +2.97 | 79 | 61 |
| #3 | large coke with no isis | +2.84 | 82 | 53 |
| #4 | Jordan Belfort | +0.90 | 70 | 49 |
| #5 | ☮ | +0.18 | 88 | 45 |





