








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 85 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 41 matches | ||
| Premier | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 70 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4895 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,083 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2745 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2733 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 3226 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 3379 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,049,582 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1048 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lightning | 59% | 59 |
| #2 | Juantanamo Bay | 56% | 93 |
| #3 | Shade | 54% | 281 |
| #4 | Jordan Belfort | 53% | 30 |
| #5 | Vektorised | 53% | 274 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shade | 24 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Vektorised | 17 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | Chloroform Chamber | 6 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Mr.America | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Juantanamo Bay | 4 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shade | 769 | 0.14 | 21 min |
| #2 | Vektorised | 498 | 0.09 | 12 min |
| #3 | Mr.America | 433 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #4 | Juantanamo Bay | 220 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #5 | Chloroform Chamber | 197 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | large coke with no isis | +3.10 | 83 | 53 |
| #2 | Shade | +1.61 | 76 | 73 |
| #3 | Juantanamo Bay | +1.57 | 70 | 60 |
| #4 | Vektorised | +1.04 | 79 | 56 |
| #5 | ☮ | -0.18 | 88 | 54 |





