








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 139 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 239 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1958 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,205 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1093 | 15% |
| Smokes | 2669 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 1916 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1527 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $979,461 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 489 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bappers | 57% | 37 |
| #2 | meat | 54% | 52 |
| #3 | p0se | 52% | 25 |
| #4 | Pugdog | 50% | 22 |
| #5 | Cr1sper | 50% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Vhuxi | 50% | 84 |
| #7 | Synix | 48% | 21 |
| #8 | NIXIE | 47% | 135 |
| #9 | Tanban | 46% | 26 |
| #10 | TuoMaSir | 35% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NIXIE | 8 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Vhuxi | 5 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | Pugdog | 3 | 0.0064 |
| #4 | Bappers | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | TuoMaSir | 2 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NIXIE | 631 | 0.22 | 15 min |
| #2 | Bappers | 197 | 0.25 | 6 min |
| #3 | Vhuxi | 181 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | TuoMaSir | 168 | 0.23 | 4 min |
| #5 | meat | 138 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NIXIE | +2.84 | 80 | 63 |
| #2 | meat | +2.54 | 71 | 63 |
| #3 | p0se | +1.75 | 81 | 54 |
| #4 | Bappers | +1.52 | 61 | 73 |
| #5 | Synix | +0.89 | 68 | 48 |





