








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 253 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 141 matches | ||
| Premier | 129 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2486 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,747 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5624 | 32% |
| Smokes | 4680 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3833 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3610 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $543,529 of utility $78 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 137 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | meat | 62% | 26 |
| #2 | Vhuxi | 41% | 22 |
| #3 | Headshot | 35% | 34 |
| #4 | NIXIE | 34% | 35 |
| #5 | Synix | 33% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Vhuxi | 41% | 22 |
| #3 | Headshot | 35% | 34 |
| #4 | NIXIE | 34% | 35 |
| #5 | Synix | 33% | 18 |
| #6 | Tanban | 30% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Headshot | 3 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | NIXIE | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | meat | 1 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Tanban | 1 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Vhuxi | 1 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NIXIE | 141 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #2 | meat | 60 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #3 | Headshot | 45 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Vhuxi | 40 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | Tanban | 32 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | meat | +2.93 | 80 | 62 |
| #2 | NIXIE | +2.64 | 87 | 65 |
| #3 | Synix | +0.79 | 74 | 50 |
| #4 | TuoMaSir | -0.53 | 56 | 76 |
| #5 | Tanban | -1.04 | 75 | 53 |





