








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 18 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
436 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 670 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 74 | 11% |
| Smokes | 226 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 147 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 223 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $27,621 of utility $38 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | papa | 100% | 5 |
| #2 | граната в киске | 67% | 3 |
| #3 | Soul | 64% | 11 |
| #4 | schizoid | 60% | 25 |
| #5 | Waffles | 58% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Waffles | 58% | 12 |
| #6 | ASJKHDASIJKDHASWEIKLJURAHAW3EKLR | 56% | 9 |
| #7 | moosee | 50% | 2 |
| #8 | Incendiary | 33% | 3 |
| #9 | The Stick | 33% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | schizoid | 8 | 0.0154 |
| #2 | Soul | 8 | 0.0367 |
| #3 | граната в киске | 2 | 0.0294 |
| #4 | Waffles | 1 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | ASJKHDASIJKDHASWEIKLJURAHAW3EKLR | 1 | 0.0056 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | schizoid | 66 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #2 | ASJKHDASIJKDHASWEIKLJURAHAW3EKLR | 22 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #3 | Waffles | 9 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #4 | The Stick | 5 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #5 | Soul | 3 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stay blackin | +5.67 | 89 | 40 |
| #2 | ASJKHDASIJKDHASWEIKLJURAHAW3EKLR | +3.06 | 86 | 56 |
| #3 | schizoid | +1.21 | 69 | 62 |
| #4 | moosee | +1.05 | 57 | 43 |
| #5 | Soul | +0.13 | 58 | 33 |





