










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 363 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 17 matches | 1,393 | |
| Premier | 14 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
911 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,867 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 418 | 22% |
| Smokes | 593 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 396 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 460 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $479,842 of utility $269 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 154 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vortex | 75% | 8 |
| #2 | Sigge | 71% | 17 |
| #3 | Tamex | 59% | 22 |
| #4 | Jonkler | 58% | 26 |
| #5 | Oxtra | 56% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slonk | 6 | 0.0139 |
| #2 | Tamex | 5 | 0.0119 |
| #3 | Keanu Reeves | 3 | 0.0072 |
| #4 | Jonkler | 2 | 0.0042 |
| #5 | Sigge | 2 | 0.0065 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jonkler | 73 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #2 | ZAROSE | 54 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #3 | Oxtra | 48 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #4 | Slonk | 45 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #5 | Keanu Reeves | 45 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZAROSE | +8.03 | 89 | 83 |
| #2 | Jonkler | +2.63 | 54 | 69 |
| #3 | Oxtra | +1.88 | 65 | 54 |
| #4 | Whemplar | +1.64 | 72 | 41 |
| #5 | Vortex | +1.62 | 69 | 11 |





