








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 285 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 27 matches | ||
| Faceit | 21 matches | ||
| Esplay | 16 matches | 1,774 | |
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




59 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1061 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,910 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 611 | 21% |
| Smokes | 861 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 676 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 762 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $730,180 of utility $276 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 238 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 𝙰𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚜 | 67% | 15 |
| #2 | Sigge | 62% | 29 |
| #3 | Tamex | 61% | 31 |
| #4 | Oxtra | 56% | 32 |
| #5 | Mivvah | 55% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Whemplar | 50% | 22 |
| #7 | Jonkler | 44% | 9 |
| #8 | KVN | 39% | 41 |
| #9 | Slonk | 36% | 81 |
| #10 | kapten gurka | 19% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slonk | 22 | 0.0141 |
| #2 | KVN | 20 | 0.0260 |
| #3 | 𝙰𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚜 | 7 | 0.0252 |
| #4 | kapten gurka | 5 | 0.0120 |
| #5 | Tamex | 3 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oxtra | 154 | 0.25 | 4 min |
| #2 | Slonk | 117 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | KVN | 55 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | 𝙰𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚜 | 49 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #5 | Mivvah | 39 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 𝙰𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚜 | +3.69 | 80 | 60 |
| #2 | Oxtra | +2.66 | 52 | 70 |
| #3 | Keanu Reeves | +1.66 | 65 | 43 |
| #4 | KVN | +0.31 | 63 | 45 |
| #5 | Sigge | +0.22 | 29 | 41 |





