








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 145 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 215 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2339 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,847 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2161 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2535 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1706 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1445 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $782,690 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 83 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kesonjus | 65% | 20 |
| #2 | Stinde HyperX | 57% | 46 |
| #3 | xeno | 56% | 16 |
| #4 | HesuPeka | 55% | 124 |
| #5 | Kimmukka | 54% | 100 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Honkkari | 46% | 74 |
| #11 | mikkiz | 45% | 33 |
| #12 | Jaahas | 44% | 36 |
| #13 | Rambo-Maistelija | 44% | 25 |
| #14 | Ahmo Michclangch | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eskon putiikki | 39 | 0.0130 |
| #2 | Honkkari | 20 | 0.0134 |
| #3 | Jaahas | 14 | 0.0183 |
| #4 | PenA | 10 | 0.0314 |
| #5 | make | 7 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eskon putiikki | 759 | 0.25 | 19 min |
| #2 | ee | 469 | 0.18 | 12 min |
| #3 | make | 221 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #4 | Honkkari | 163 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #5 | HesuPeka | 158 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eskon putiikki | +1.94 | 83 | 70 |
| #2 | xeno | +1.79 | 85 | 57 |
| #3 | large man | +1.60 | 72 | 63 |
| #4 | make | +1.52 | 75 | 63 |
| #5 | Stinde HyperX | +0.74 | 81 | 54 |





