








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 181 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2202 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,794 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 910 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1849 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1926 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 1109 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $555,742 of utility $132 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mikcsu | 64% | 28 |
| #2 | kesonjus | 58% | 72 |
| #3 | Kimmukka | 58% | 125 |
| #4 | Stinde HyperX | 57% | 58 |
| #5 | Ahmo Michclangch | 56% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | large man | 11 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Kimmukka | 7 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | make | 7 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | kesonjus | 4 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | ee | 3 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ee | 549 | 0.18 | 13 min |
| #2 | kesonjus | 312 | 0.21 | 9 min |
| #3 | large man | 308 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #4 | make | 267 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #5 | Kimmukka | 169 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | make | +1.78 | 76 | 63 |
| #2 | large man | +1.77 | 70 | 70 |
| #3 | Eskon putiikki | +1.56 | 78 | 72 |
| #4 | Stinde HyperX | +0.92 | 79 | 56 |
| #5 | HesuPeka | +0.82 | 71 | 57 |





