








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 46 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 87 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
504 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 949 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 264 | 28% |
| Smokes | 319 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 200 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 166 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $213,512 of utility $70 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DonkeyNut | 50% | 22 |
| #2 | anne | 46% | 13 |
| #3 | Nana Jr. | 42% | 24 |
| #4 | Ku Kit Kat Masta | 33% | 9 |
| #5 | Supreme Banana | 32% | 117 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Ku Kit Kat Masta | 33% | 9 |
| #5 | Supreme Banana | 32% | 117 |
| #6 | Torta Pounder | 25% | 68 |
| #7 | The Erie Eggplant | 25% | 57 |
| #8 | Gumbo Slice | 24% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Supreme Banana | 27 | 0.0116 |
| #2 | DonkeyNut | 13 | 0.0272 |
| #3 | The Erie Eggplant | 12 | 0.0108 |
| #4 | Ku Kit Kat Masta | 9 | 0.0464 |
| #5 | Torta Pounder | 8 | 0.0058 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gumbo Slice | 105 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #2 | Torta Pounder | 64 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #3 | DonkeyNut | 31 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Supreme Banana | 29 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #5 | Ku Kit Kat Masta | 17 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nana Jr. | +3.58 | 44 | 34 |
| #2 | Ku Kit Kat Masta | +3.22 | 37 | 61 |
| #3 | DonkeyNut | +2.28 | 24 | 30 |
| #4 | Gumbo Slice | +1.79 | 58 | 62 |
| #5 | Supreme Banana | +1.69 | 35 | 17 |





