








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1183 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1366 matches | ||
| Wingman | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 81 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




356 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
11866 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,759 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1029 | 8% |
| Smokes | 5215 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 3218 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3297 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $543,656 of utility $17 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1611 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | CaintEvenNut | 41% | 193 |
| #10 | Throat Clogger | 41% | 93 |
| #11 | The Erie Eggplant | 38% | 282 |
| #12 | Torta Pounder | 37% | 407 |
| #13 | twist | 32% | 117 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DonkeyNut | 125 | 0.0282 |
| #2 | CaintEvenNut | 94 | 0.0238 |
| #3 | The Erie Eggplant | 67 | 0.0117 |
| #4 | Ku Kit Kat Masta | 64 | 0.0283 |
| #5 | Torta Pounder | 62 | 0.0075 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gumbo Slice | 711 | 0.11 | 20 min |
| #2 | Torta Pounder | 568 | 0.07 | 13 min |
| #3 | anne | 491 | 0.08 | 13 min |
| #4 | CaintEvenNut | 346 | 0.09 | 11 min |
| #5 | nomis | 287 | 0.12 | 7 min |





