










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 85 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 295 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




84 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1844 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 798 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 183 | 23% |
| Smokes | 281 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 150 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 184 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $72,025 of utility $9 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1406 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DonkeyNut | 39% | 28 |
| #2 | Gumbo Slice | 38% | 101 |
| #3 | Supreme Banana | 38% | 282 |
| #4 | Torta Pounder | 38% | 128 |
| #5 | Nana Jr. | 37% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Ku Kit Kat Masta | 35% | 34 |
| #7 | John Wilkes Booth | 33% | 21 |
| #8 | twist | 25% | 57 |
| #9 | CaintEvenNut | 22% | 65 |
| #10 | Throat Clogger | 20% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Supreme Banana | 83 | 0.0145 |
| #2 | CaintEvenNut | 32 | 0.0256 |
| #3 | Nana Jr. | 31 | 0.0378 |
| #4 | Gumbo Slice | 23 | 0.0113 |
| #5 | DonkeyNut | 23 | 0.0370 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gumbo Slice | 252 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #2 | Torta Pounder | 125 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #3 | CaintEvenNut | 112 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | Supreme Banana | 105 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| #5 | Ku Kit Kat Masta | 44 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Throat Clogger | +4.82 | 42 | 28 |
| #2 | CaintEvenNut | +3.97 | 59 | 59 |
| #3 | Ku Kit Kat Masta | +2.86 | 61 | 52 |
| #4 | John Wilkes Booth | +2.80 | 57 | 19 |
| #5 | DonkeyNut | +1.83 | 32 | 15 |





