








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 549 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 338 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




88 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3358 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,943 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4515 | 41% |
| Smokes | 3322 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1620 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1486 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $944,837 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 75 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DonkeyNut | 47% | 36 |
| #2 | CaintEvenNut | 44% | 54 |
| #3 | Nana Jr. | 42% | 72 |
| #4 | Supreme Banana | 41% | 317 |
| #5 | anne | 40% | 67 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Throat Clogger | 39% | 31 |
| #7 | Torta Pounder | 38% | 146 |
| #8 | The Erie Eggplant | 38% | 101 |
| #9 | Ku Kit Kat Masta | 26% | 35 |
| #10 | twist | 24% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Supreme Banana | 95 | 0.0146 |
| #2 | CaintEvenNut | 31 | 0.0296 |
| #3 | Torta Pounder | 21 | 0.0071 |
| #4 | Nana Jr. | 21 | 0.0146 |
| #5 | DonkeyNut | 20 | 0.0272 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Torta Pounder | 172 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #2 | CaintEvenNut | 107 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | anne | 102 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | Supreme Banana | 78 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| #5 | DonkeyNut | 52 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Throat Clogger | +7.32 | 53 | 26 |
| #2 | CaintEvenNut | +3.62 | 53 | 62 |
| #3 | Ku Kit Kat Masta | +3.09 | 58 | 57 |
| #4 | Nana Jr. | +1.48 | 44 | 29 |
| #5 | anne | +1.24 | 55 | 47 |





