








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 67 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 65 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
715 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,489 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 490 | 20% |
| Smokes | 704 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 596 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 699 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $243,558 of utility $155 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 16 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yakio | 76% | 29 |
| #2 | Not Croissant Du Baguette [NCB] | 76% | 33 |
| #3 | Theo5607 | 67% | 30 |
| #4 | CocoBinks | 66% | 29 |
| #5 | ✪AlexFatHEADSHOT | 65% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Not Croissant Du Baguette [NCB] | 76% | 33 |
| #3 | Theo5607 | 67% | 30 |
| #4 | CocoBinks | 66% | 29 |
| #5 | ✪AlexFatHEADSHOT | 65% | 34 |
| #6 | TuRkoS | 64% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Not Croissant Du Baguette [NCB] | 176 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #2 | ✪AlexFatHEADSHOT | 90 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | Theo5607 | 52 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | CocoBinks | 28 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Yakio | 19 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Not Croissant Du Baguette [NCB] | +3.83 | 75 | 91 |
| #2 | ✪AlexFatHEADSHOT | +2.09 | 79 | 57 |
| #3 | CocoBinks | +1.57 | 81 | 42 |
| #4 | TuRkoS | +1.51 | 75 | 58 |
| #5 | Yakio | +0.23 | 42 | 42 |





