








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 25 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 42 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
563 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,654 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 206 | 12% |
| Smokes | 463 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 445 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 540 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $322,431 of utility $237 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bender | 71% | 14 |
| #2 | Dank Dill | 67% | 3 |
| #3 | Makoto | 67% | 3 |
| #4 | Tread | 67% | 6 |
| #5 | TheBonk | 57% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Fex | 50% | 6 |
| #9 | retraC | 50% | 26 |
| #10 | Woodzy | 42% | 12 |
| #11 | VLADMIR PUTIN | 40% | 5 |
| #12 | пиздец | 33% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BounDie | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | Tread | 1 | 0.0065 |
| #3 | Makoto | 1 | 0.0137 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BounDie | 143 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #2 | bender | 58 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #3 | Fex | 52 | 0.35 | 1 min |
| #4 | Woodzy | 48 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | TheBonk | 48 | 0.29 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dank Dill | +7.87 | 88 | 66 |
| #2 | retraC | +1.99 | 86 | 53 |
| #3 | Tread | +1.92 | 63 | 68 |
| #4 | Makoto | +1.92 | 50 | 63 |
| #5 | ᶜᵒᵐʳᵃᵈᵉ ᵐⁱˡᵏ | +1.81 | 75 | 60 |





