








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 621 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 157 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 39 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




38 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1987 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,152 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2266 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1734 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1910 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2242 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,166,046 of utility $246 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 717 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Badass Gamer Girl Huge Tits | 75% | 16 |
| #2 | cum pervert | 57% | 100 |
| #3 | UNKNOWN CUM | 52% | 29 |
| #4 | ratatoolie | 50% | 88 |
| #5 | Piggy | 49% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Piggy | 49% | 49 |
| #6 | cheese | 48% | 69 |
| #7 | bong hit transplant | 46% | 13 |
| #8 | jazzy | 46% | 13 |
| #9 | h a b | 44% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Piggy | 21 | 0.0206 |
| #2 | cum pervert | 20 | 0.0096 |
| #3 | UNKNOWN CUM | 13 | 0.0223 |
| #4 | ratatoolie | 11 | 0.0059 |
| #5 | cheese | 7 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ratatoolie | 547 | 0.29 | 16 min |
| #2 | cum pervert | 367 | 0.18 | 11 min |
| #3 | cheese | 180 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #4 | Piggy | 148 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #5 | h a b | 81 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cum pervert | +3.23 | 76 | 76 |
| #2 | cheese | +0.76 | 66 | 65 |
| #3 | ratatoolie | +0.66 | 81 | 81 |
| #4 | h a b | -0.14 | 56 | 64 |
| #5 | BungoBango | -0.48 | 75 | 67 |





