








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 626 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 205 matches | ||
| Faceit | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3249 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,458 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2414 | 26% |
| Smokes | 3177 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1944 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1923 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,442,540 of utility $209 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 144 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jazzy | 53% | 60 |
| #2 | cum pervert | 53% | 250 |
| #3 | UNKNOWN CUM | 52% | 75 |
| #4 | ratatoolie | 50% | 254 |
| #5 | bong hit transplant | 48% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cum pervert | 33 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | Piggy | 26 | 0.0106 |
| #3 | ratatoolie | 22 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | UNKNOWN CUM | 18 | 0.0115 |
| #5 | BungoBango | 13 | 0.0087 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ratatoolie | 1493 | 0.28 | 44 min |
| #2 | cum pervert | 839 | 0.16 | 25 min |
| #3 | Piggy | 375 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #4 | h a b | 190 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #5 | BungoBango | 186 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cum pervert | +2.82 | 75 | 74 |
| #2 | ratatoolie | +0.98 | 82 | 80 |
| #3 | cheese | +0.41 | 65 | 63 |
| #4 | h a b | -0.09 | 64 | 69 |
| #5 | BungoBango | -0.58 | 75 | 69 |





