








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1543 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 608 matches | ||
| Faceit | 111 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 67 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




77 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7277 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 38,023 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 16037 | 42% |
| Smokes | 9184 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 9115 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 3687 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,140,413 of utility $68 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1048 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jazzy | 60% | 78 |
| #2 | UNKNOWN CUM | 56% | 110 |
| #3 | cum pervert | 56% | 424 |
| #4 | h a b | 55% | 143 |
| #5 | cheese | 50% | 254 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cum pervert | 59 | 0.0066 |
| #2 | Piggy | 55 | 0.0154 |
| #3 | UNKNOWN CUM | 23 | 0.0099 |
| #4 | cheese | 21 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | BungoBango | 12 | 0.0064 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cum pervert | 1371 | 0.15 | 39 min |
| #2 | cheese | 577 | 0.11 | 17 min |
| #3 | Piggy | 571 | 0.16 | 15 min |
| #4 | h a b | 398 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #5 | BungoBango | 241 | 0.13 | 6 min |





