








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 56 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
88 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 448 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 121 | 27% |
| Smokes | 106 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 108 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 113 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $71,713 of utility $187 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 14 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Vxiska | 50% | 2 |
| #7 | Toe | 50% | 6 |
| #8 | Jepzonγ | 50% | 14 |
| #9 | vego666 | 43% | 7 |
| #10 | dogo | 33% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jepzonγ | 2 | 0.0069 |
| #2 | Toe | 2 | 0.0150 |
| #3 | Matzπ | 1 | 0.0067 |
| #4 | hatman | 1 | 0.0175 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jepzonγ | 42 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #2 | Lapa | 21 | 0.24 | 0 min |
| #3 | dogo | 17 | 0.14 | 0 min |
| #4 | hatman | 17 | 0.30 | 1 min |
| #5 | Matzπ | 15 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Matzπ | +6.99 | 83 | 68 |
| #2 | Vxiska | +6.58 | 77 | 54 |
| #3 | Toe | +5.08 | 79 | 66 |
| #4 | JekKU | +4.50 | 60 | 72 |
| #5 | Jepzonγ | +1.80 | 80 | 59 |





