








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 764 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 335 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 74 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2975 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,853 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6875 | 35% |
| Smokes | 5171 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 4946 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2861 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $926,381 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2010 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | quzno | 53% | 131 |
| #2 | Pete Sampras | 49% | 220 |
| #3 | Malt Liquor Bandit | 49% | 155 |
| #4 | Ry505 | 48% | 27 |
| #5 | Mrguy | 47% | 87 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Malt Liquor Bandit | 49% | 155 |
| #4 | Ry505 | 48% | 27 |
| #5 | Mrguy | 47% | 87 |
| #6 | Jill | 40% | 30 |
| #7 | Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace | 28% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | quzno | 15 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | Pete Sampras | 12 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | Malt Liquor Bandit | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Ry505 | 2 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | Mrguy | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pete Sampras | 454 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #2 | quzno | 447 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #3 | Mrguy | 305 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #4 | Malt Liquor Bandit | 196 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #5 | Jill | 184 | 0.29 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | quzno | +0.66 | 61 | 62 |
| #2 | Malt Liquor Bandit | +0.62 | 65 | 49 |
| #3 | Ry505 | +0.43 | 76 | 52 |
| #4 | MACHOKE | +0.17 | 59 | 77 |
| #5 | Pete Sampras | +0.11 | 57 | 55 |





