








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 179 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
518 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,565 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1385 | 39% |
| Smokes | 754 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 731 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 695 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $312,656 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 240 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace | 60% | 5 |
| #2 | Mrguy | 54% | 13 |
| #3 | Ry505 | 50% | 14 |
| #4 | Malt Liquor Bandit | 50% | 34 |
| #5 | Pete Sampras | 46% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MACHOKE | 170 | 0.27 | 5 min |
| #2 | Pete Sampras | 117 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | quzno | 97 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #4 | Mrguy | 59 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #5 | Malt Liquor Bandit | 30 | 0.04 | 1 min |





