








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 514 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 253 matches | ||
| Faceit | 99 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 37 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3965 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,625 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1474 | 14% |
| Smokes | 3840 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 1950 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 3361 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,928,297 of utility $187 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 113 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nooby Booby | 64% | 135 |
| #2 | quzno | 62% | 39 |
| #3 | BigXThaPlug | 61% | 137 |
| #4 | Zodiac | 61% | 41 |
| #5 | Pete Sampras | 60% | 139 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | dozer_____davee | 52% | 124 |
| #11 | Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace | 49% | 135 |
| #12 | MACHOKE | 48% | 27 |
| #13 | CHaloupa batman | 48% | 149 |
| #14 | Johnny Dang | 39% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pete Sampras | 14 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | Nooby Booby | 9 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | quzno | 8 | 0.0095 |
| #4 | BigXThaPlug | 5 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | swish | 5 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nooby Booby | 845 | 0.29 | 24 min |
| #2 | swish | 430 | 0.19 | 11 min |
| #3 | dozer_____davee | 380 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #4 | Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace | 347 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #5 | BigXThaPlug | 289 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | swish | +2.50 | 73 | 65 |
| #2 | Nooby Booby | +2.14 | 74 | 76 |
| #3 | morty | +1.75 | 78 | 66 |
| #4 | BigXThaPlug | +1.74 | 70 | 64 |
| #5 | dozer_____davee | +1.41 | 64 | 63 |





