








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1038 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 763 matches | ||
| Faceit | 92 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 67 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




51 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9115 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 31,590 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5613 | 18% |
| Smokes | 9274 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 7519 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 9184 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,807,378 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4586 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ry505 | 60% | 139 |
| #2 | Nooby Booby | 59% | 74 |
| #3 | dozer_____davee | 56% | 117 |
| #4 | quzno | 52% | 359 |
| #5 | MACHOKE | 49% | 220 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | MACHOKE | 49% | 220 |
| #6 | Mrguy | 49% | 168 |
| #7 | Malt Liquor Bandit | 48% | 481 |
| #8 | Jill | 46% | 69 |
| #9 | Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace | 45% | 76 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | quzno | 42 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | MACHOKE | 16 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | Malt Liquor Bandit | 7 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | dozer_____davee | 6 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | Nooby Booby | 5 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MACHOKE | 1232 | 0.25 | 35 min |
| #2 | quzno | 1144 | 0.15 | 26 min |
| #3 | Malt Liquor Bandit | 547 | 0.05 | 14 min |
| #4 | Mrguy | 520 | 0.14 | 13 min |
| #5 | Jill | 424 | 0.30 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nooby Booby | +3.00 | 80 | 73 |
| #2 | dozer_____davee | +1.38 | 66 | 60 |
| #3 | Ry505 | +1.34 | 69 | 44 |
| #4 | quzno | +0.54 | 60 | 64 |
| #5 | Malt Liquor Bandit | +0.19 | 65 | 48 |





