








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 133 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 440 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5089 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,725 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4174 | 27% |
| Smokes | 4159 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3407 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3985 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,558,898 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 106 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | quzno | 54% | 59 |
| #2 | Pete Sampras | 49% | 168 |
| #3 | MACHOKE | 47% | 87 |
| #4 | Malt Liquor Bandit | 45% | 125 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | quzno | 54% | 59 |
| #2 | Pete Sampras | 49% | 168 |
| #3 | MACHOKE | 47% | 87 |
| #4 | Malt Liquor Bandit | 45% | 125 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pete Sampras | 11 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | quzno | 8 | 0.0062 |
| #3 | MACHOKE | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Malt Liquor Bandit | 3 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MACHOKE | 457 | 0.24 | 14 min |
| #2 | Pete Sampras | 258 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #3 | quzno | 228 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #4 | Malt Liquor Bandit | 185 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | quzno | +1.57 | 70 | 64 |
| #2 | MACHOKE | +1.04 | 56 | 77 |
| #3 | Malt Liquor Bandit | +0.17 | 63 | 48 |
| #4 | Pete Sampras | +0.17 | 61 | 54 |
| #5 | Mrguy | -0.78 | 42 | 60 |





