








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 25 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
326 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 805 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 180 | 22% |
| Smokes | 87 | 11% |
| HE Grenades | 190 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 348 | 43% |
Our logs show you have wasted $54,489 of utility $37 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Textingrightnow | 50% | 4 |
| #2 | zood | 32% | 38 |
| #3 | I'm Car | 28% | 18 |
| #4 | Rigatoni | 26% | 35 |
| #5 | 1zood | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I'm Car | 10 | 0.0309 |
| #2 | zood | 3 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | x-acto | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | Rigatoni | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | I'm Truck | 2 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rigatoni | 85 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #2 | zood | 61 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | Linguine | 58 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | I'm Truck | 43 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | x-acto | 37 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zood | +3.38 | 59 | 46 |
| #2 | I'm Truck | +1.48 | 60 | 50 |
| #3 | 1zood | +1.38 | 54 | 60 |
| #4 | Rigatoni | -0.54 | 38 | 51 |
| #5 | x-acto | -1.54 | 20 | 49 |





