








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 124 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 82 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2391 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,227 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1798 | 16% |
| Smokes | 3484 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 3744 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2201 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $562,848 of utility $71 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 657 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Textingrightnow | 52% | 77 |
| #2 | Teerent :) | 51% | 39 |
| #3 | zood | 45% | 163 |
| #4 | I'm Car | 43% | 101 |
| #5 | Linguine | 40% | 141 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Rigatoni | 39% | 120 |
| #7 | 1zood | 38% | 39 |
| #8 | I'm Truck | 36% | 81 |
| #9 | Rev Up Those Fryers! | 27% | 30 |
| #10 | tiller | 22% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I'm Car | 43 | 0.0228 |
| #2 | zood | 25 | 0.0079 |
| #3 | Rigatoni | 16 | 0.0066 |
| #4 | I'm Truck | 11 | 0.0067 |
| #5 | Linguine | 9 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rigatoni | 289 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #2 | zood | 256 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #3 | I'm Car | 224 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #4 | Linguine | 176 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #5 | Textingrightnow | 132 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zood | +2.06 | 58 | 47 |
| #2 | 1zood | +1.35 | 51 | 50 |
| #3 | I'm Truck | +0.63 | 63 | 40 |
| #4 | Teerent :) | -0.19 | 37 | 30 |
| #5 | Rigatoni | -0.44 | 43 | 53 |





