








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 39 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 43 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1978 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,007 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2169 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1857 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2158 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 823 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $361,392 of utility $61 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 102 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Textingrightnow | 59% | 22 |
| #2 | Skrrt | 57% | 21 |
| #3 | zood | 49% | 124 |
| #4 | I'm Truck | 48% | 140 |
| #5 | Spaghetti OG | 44% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I'm Car | 24 | 0.0181 |
| #2 | zood | 15 | 0.0062 |
| #3 | I'm Truck | 12 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | Teerent :) | 7 | 0.0079 |
| #5 | x-acto | 4 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zood | 201 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #2 | I'm Truck | 187 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #3 | x-acto | 160 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #4 | I'm Car | 148 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #5 | Linguine | 112 | 0.07 | 2 min |





