








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 189 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 136 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 28 matches | ||
| Wingman | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3916 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,162 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1166 | 14% |
| Smokes | 3357 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 2253 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1386 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $257,324 of utility $19 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 288 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SphincterSprinkler | 56% | 41 |
| #2 | Jelq Maxxing Sigma | 53% | 146 |
| #3 | Balls n cider | 52% | 225 |
| #4 | Yakult | 50% | 90 |
| #5 | oishi | 49% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Yakult | 50% | 90 |
| #5 | oishi | 49% | 78 |
| #6 | Prime | 49% | 210 |
| #7 | Fafnir | 45% | 220 |
| #8 | JuanSpeed25 | 43% | 113 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fafnir | 5 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | JuanSpeed25 | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Balls n cider | 3 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | Jelq Maxxing Sigma | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Prime | 2 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fafnir | 717 | 0.17 | 21 min |
| #2 | Balls n cider | 217 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #3 | Prime | 182 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #4 | JuanSpeed25 | 180 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #5 | Yakult | 113 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Prime | +2.45 | 69 | 46 |
| #2 | Yakult | +1.94 | 62 | 60 |
| #3 | Fafnir | +0.81 | 60 | 77 |
| #4 | Balls n cider | +0.54 | 47 | 56 |
| #5 | oishi | +0.04 | 59 | 34 |





